“It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.” - Baths “Maximalist” (Great song)
Do you have stage fright? I do. I was so afraid to go up in front of people and hula hoop. I would hear these critical voices in my head saying:
“Who do you think you are?”
“Your’re not that good of a hula hooper.”
“She’s way better than you are.”
“They are going to think you are such a show off.”
I really struggled with getting up on stage, but when I did, it felt SO GOOD. The-best-feeling-ever kind of good. My favorite part was finding someone’s eyes, and turning to perform just for them. I felt such a connection with my audience. I have actually cried during a performance at the thought that I was giving people the gift that someone gave to me the first time I saw someone spin double hoops.
Remember that? The very first time you saw someone play with fire, or hula hoop, or spin poi? Remember watching them and being enraptured with joy and amazement? Remember dreaming about becoming like them, and practicing through all those awkward moments and fails for years as you got better and better at your craft? Something inside you was called out by their radiance. It stood up and the fire was lit inside of you. Okay, I’m getting really corny here, but you know I’m right!
So what is performing anyway? You carefully choose your costume, makeup, prop, music and add all the pieces that are so essentially you. You are actualizing, ascending….radiating your essence.
THIS IS YOUR GIFT
So what do I do when I’m nervous about being in the spot light, or I hear the inner critic in my head doubt how qualified I am to walk on stage?
I think about THEM.
Who am I really doing this for? I didn’t spend years in my back yard learning hoop tricks, so I can keep them to myself. This is to OPEN PEOPLE’S MINDS to what is possible. This is to show little girls that you can grow up and do whatever you want. This is to laugh in the face of the time I almost died and prove that I have done my best with my second chance. This is for the MEs and the YOUs in the audience who need their souls lit on fire.
And at the very least, this is to put on a great show for the crowd. Because, it’s my job to go out there and radiate my essence. Nobody else radiate my essence for me. No matter what is going on in my world, with my husband, with my life…time stops when I walk up on stage and resolve to be the best expression of my soul that this little skin suit can possibly perform. This is an opportunity to widen my reach and create a little rainbow light in the eyes of everyone who sees me.
So, next time you feel nervous, or unqualified, or fat, or imperfect, or just a little off- remember that it’s not about you. It’s about them. You’ve got a job to do, and nobody can do it like you. Go out there and radiate your essence.
So much love,
Kelsey
